Anger when losing a child

When one experiences the loss of a child or any similar tragic experience anger is one of the first emotions and often the most difficult emotion to overcome. Below are some comments by parents who share their experiences in overcoming anger.

In our loss of two children and observing others it is apparent to me that one of the most productive ways to overcome anger is to serve others. Joe Holmes

Anger during Grief by Cindy Jo Greever http://finditmall.com/grief/directories/greever-dir.htm

Anger is a powerful emotion. Although everyone experiences anger, it is an emotion that isn't always acceptable in society. Anger during grief can be misperceived by nearly everyone, especially those of us who experience it. We’re supposed to be sad, not mad! Recognizing anger, acknowledging it, and understanding it will help with healing.

What are constructive ways you have learned to deal with your anger? And how have you dealt with
the anger shown by those close to you? (Although it is their anger, it can also ripple into your own life.)

As they say, better late than never. I procrastinated answering this as it is the ugly reminder of the sheer anger and hate I felt for the first couple years after our daughter was tragically killed while innocently trying to board her school bus fifteen years ago at the age of 9.

Michelle was a fourth grader and well instructed and intelligent. The death that befell her that day was due to complete negligence of all those involved in what led to her being hit by a car, struck on her back unbeknownst to her.

I am so thankful Michelle never knew what hit her and was instantly taken to Heaven. Thankful we were home to be able to administer CPR, my husband ran outside immediately and started CPR so Michelle could become an organ and cornea donor..

The worst stage of my grief was experiencing the utter chaos and anger directed at the ones I loved who would take it, and screaming so often that I nearly lost my voice.

Yet at the same time it was God and my faith that shielded me from going off the deepest end of no return.

I became very involved in a ministry for bereaved parents and focused on healing as I interacted with others going through the same pain.

My anger was at the school district, the bus depot, the bus drivers, the people who carelessly speed down our road.

When others who knew not our grief tried to suggest getting on with life or anything they certainly had no jurisdiction to understand, I would blow up at them, how DARE them tell me to get over it, take down my daughters pictures or pretend she was never mine!

I said time could never erase her touch, her smile, her soul, or her being my daughter!! And if I was
blind, deaf and without touch I would STILL love my daughter were she alive in the flesh!!

My ministry helped and still helps though after fifteen years I can honestly say I have moved beyond those first excruciating initial years of torture and torment to my aching heart!!

Reading tons of grief books, reading my Bible, continuing to attend my Bible Study and some few true friends as well as my dear family helped me, our two surviving children and my husband were my driving force to get back to living life and knowing this is what Michelle would want for us all and to be happy..

In the end of the anger stage and as I look back now fifteen years later, I am very changed and have experienced the sorrow of a lifetime that only very few truly must experience. Since afterall, children are our future, and we never think of them as dying before us, it is ingrained in society that when we have children we continue the circle of life..

It has altered me and been a very painful journey but all the WHYS I constantly asked have become, why nots, and even if we knew would the pain be any less to take?

I do not care what others have to comment when they don't understand this issue.
I have learned to correspond with people who DO understand and that is what helps me.

I am also comforted in knowing our daughter saved others lives with her organs and gave the gifts of sight to two young men, she lives on in the flesh too!

Lastly I emphasize I have barely touched the surface of this topic or the dealings of griefs stages as it is a most complex topic and yet as natural as life itself, we are born and we all die..

The anger is mostly gone now and certainly love will always prevail as will the sweet memories our daughter left us, and it always helps to remember her saying that we would never have to say good- bye...

Having a sweet and loving daughter who always gave in all she did and loved life itself so much for life itself and having a faith in eternal life is my saving grace. I am back to feeling joy and happiness now and over the years have slowly come back full swing to enjoy life like I NEVER thought I ever could again. My children, grandchildren, husband and family mean so much to me and I can say I am truly happy again! What a miracle! Thank you God.

JOHN 10:28-29

CindyJo Greever www.geocities.com/michellemaries

after the emptiness, then the anger set in. it took awhile, but for me, i tell people.."christoher wouldnt have left me, unless he got a better offer". And i truly believe that! and one day soon i will be with him again.
Posted by: donna

It is difficult to think of something positive that can result from the negative emotion of anger. It is all consuming. The good part is that it shields you from the pain of your grief. It puts your grief on the back burner because your anger is surrounnding you. In retrospect, I guess that this period of anger helps you get through the pain. I dont know if there are constructive ways to deal with the anger. However, the anger eventually does fade, turns to sadness, and eventually the sun comes out again. If after losing by 22 year old daughter I can once again see the joy in life, Im hoping that others in similar circumstances can also feel some joy.

Posted by: Betty Young